That is what they want from me, that is what they expect from me. I am blessed, I am healthy, I have friends that love me, I have family that cares, so how, how could anyone think I have pain, doubt or fear?
I smile, I do everything I am suppose to. I smile and push back the tears. I smile and say I am great. I know I should be. Well, there are areas of my life that are falling apart, but really why could I be sad or scared?
I smile, I smile because that is what I do. I smile because that is what I know will help. They ask, I ask, we all ask how are you but does anyone really want the true answer?
What if I don't lock it away, what if I let it spill onto the pages, what I let it bleed into the keyboard. All of it, releasing it letting all the doubt, anger, uncertainty, frustration and fear just gush out of me until it is gone.
There, I am underneath all that I have been hiding. There I am, not a smile, not a forced smile, no rather a glow of understanding. We all deal with things we never expected, face things we never wanted, do things we wish we hadn't, yet hiding them away and pretending we are okay only creates a dark circle around our hearts.
To heal, we must release, let it all out, go to your favorite place, take a pen and paper, lock yourself in your bedroom and take the laptop and let it all out. All the negative feelings you have allowed yourself to feel about yourself. Let it all out. Feel the warmth of your heart as you forgive everything.
There, revealed underneath all of that pain is the beauty that lives within all of us. The treasured part of us that can sense a beautiful sunset. That peaceful knowing that life has many storms, yet it is the moments once the storm has passed that we encounter some of our most memorable moments.
Take time to honor the pain you have been hiding so you can live in the love you are meant to.
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